Sentimental Post: Aging

People say "Age is just a number. As long as you feel young, it's okay."

Aging is a natural process, so why do I fear it so much? Is it because my third decade of life is getting closer, yet, I still feel like nothing has changed since the beginning of the second decade. It's funny, but rather scary to remember my high school and college days so clearly, yet those long gone days have been almost a decade ago. Yes, I repeat, TEN WHOLE YEARS. I don't feel any smarter. I don't feel any different. I don't feel as if I went through some sudden warp or epiphany that screams, "Hey now, I am an adult, and I should feel like one."

When I was a child, I always expected that in life there would be some magical moment when suddenly and insidiously I am suppose to feel like an adult. If being 21 years old determine adulthood, I definitely have Peter Pan syndrome, cause I feel as if my brain has decided to stay at age 18. I look at my parents, my friends, and people around me. Age doesn't appear to bother them. Maybe it's me or maybe they just hide their inner fears well. But, I can honestly say, turning another year older especially in 2012, is making me nauseous.

I spent many sleepless night thinking about my coming birthday this year. I keep asking endless questions that I know will never be answered. I keep comforting myself noting that many people don't even make it to my age, such that I should be proud of turning another year older. As many excuses and lies I tell myself, the mere thought of my coming of age gives me sudden deadly feelings of anxiety.

I keep telling my friends, boyfriend, and family members why I have such a fear. I've scoured the internet looking for someone or something to explain to me why I feel this way. To no avail, I've pretty much come to terms with it. After all, I would rather be able to turn another year older than not, right? One thing I do know is that as we get older, time seems to fly by quicker. I still remember my elementary school days. It took forever to progress to the next grade level. In JHS and HS, days did go by marginally quicker, as I spent numerous hours studying to hopefully get into a good college. College was a blast, and as we all know, time flies when you're having fun. Graduate school was tough, but finishing school was a goal to look forward to. Now being out of school and working for almost 2 years, I look into my future and see absolutely nothing.



I do fear aging. I do fear taking in all the new responsibilities and expectations of me. I fear getting married and having children. I fear losing loved ones. I fear being more sick as I age.

I fear a lot of forthcoming events and incidents. But no matter how much I fear, I just need to live my life. Cause at the end of the day, life's too short, and I have to LIVE IT UP. Nothing is going to change the passing of time. I just need to keep telling myself it's okay, and like people we read about in textbooks, we will all eventually become history.